Let me say it....

Do you ever feel irritated by how people carry themselves when you get near the end of a working relationship? Then, as you look back over the year, you realize it isn't anything new and that they did it all along? Which means what changed is you? It isn't that you changed the level you expect from people because you don't expect more at the end. Not after the disappointments you went through earlier with them. It's just that you never really noticed that their way of handling things is to just blurt out things when it is convenient for them. They don't really think about how it should be handled, that there are more parties involved, or merely the more professional approach. It could be that you notice it because now it directly involves you. So you are irritated and you say something to your confidant and they remind you of every little thing that has happened this year; some of which you complained to her about. You relive all those small irritations and you see that there is a fundamental problem in how the people you work with communicate; or more accurately, the way they fail to communicate.

The problem is that you feel conflicted now. You actually enjoy what you have done and you want to enjoy every moment that you have left. Except at the same time your newly opened eyes have made you hyper aware of the failings. The fact that you are less then 3 weeks from being done has made you jumpy. So you feel irritated and ready to be done with everything; but at the same time you don't want to be. It isn't fair for you or the people you are there for. So you just keep refocusing but you are close to emotionally drained and then the refocusing gets interrupted by their failure to communicate schedule altering plans. Of course when you mention it to them they think 'sour grapes'. 

So here it is.

"My students should hear that I am leaving from me and not your fucking newsletter!"

"God damn it! You knew for over a month that some recycling folks were coming to steal my afternoon and you failed to tell me! How do you not get why that pisses me and my cohort off?"

Let's be real, I am mostly disappointed in myself. I am the one who didn't pay attention earlier; letting all the small irritations slide. It is my fault that the small issues, the ones I didn't address and keep occurring, are making me whine and lash out now. I have put some of these thoughts in to writing with the hope that the effort benefits the one who stays and the one who replaces. Of course the suggestions were not met completely openly. "When I hear of a problem I fix it" says she; but the reality is that she is shooting down the very suggestions she asked us to provide. To the next year's staff, good luck.