I came crawling back here...
I am about half a year in to not teaching. I am not sure how I feel about it. I am not actively seeking employment at the moment. That is not exactly true. I am currently employed at a seasonal gig that is due to end soon. I can't see it lasting much past this week... if it even makes it that far. I have enjoyed the distraction.
I guess what I meant by not actively seeking employment is I am not looking beyond a temporary gig. I really can't stand the idea of walking back into a classroom and having to jump through the hoops of meeting the expectations.
So why haven't I moved on? Why am I not looking for my next thing?
You could say it is because I am undecided on what that it. There is definite truth to that.
Except it is not the thing that keeps holding me back. I think it is because I miss interacting with the students. I miss trying to figure out how to make a connection. I miss watching them grow and learn. I loved a lot about teaching.
Sadly I think that the stress, the unclear expectations, the non-supportive "Support", teaching to the test, and the constant self doubt makes the job seem like a nightmare. Then there was the sheer time I poured into my job and the lack of acknowledgement or encouragement from the people in charge. The feeling of being a disposable cog.... even though they say the opposite.
I want to learn how to teach students how to learn. I want to be able to teach students how to enjoy learning. I want to teach kids how to be better then I could ever manage.
Except nobody seems to care about this. It isn't measurable, I guess...
