Doubts

For the first time since I started working down here in Panama I find myself wondering what the hell I am doing. I still really enjoy teaching these kids but I have begun to wonder if I am as welcome as I once felt I was. I am beginning to question if I will be asked back. It is not a good feeling and one that I am hoping I am completely misreading. One comment got me started on this goose chase and now I see evidence everywhere. Am I too sensitive and reading something into nothing or am I spot on. I guess time will tell.

Grrr!

It's weird. It really is, you know? How can something you hide and keep on the dl, like this blog, have almost as many visits as the much more public thing? My official travel blog only has 80 visits more then this one does and I have posted 24 times since August. I have pictures and I talk about legitimate things. This spot is my unloading spot, my free thinking area. I can not guarantee that anyone that comes in here would be entertained or even interested. Yet I still have almost the same amount of visits. What really bothers me is knowing that I send the stupid email to 24 people every time I post. Yet I am barely beating that  blog with this one. I only started posting here in October! 80 clicks different! I don't even say anything here! WTF!?

This has seemed like a long week. I think it is because I have not left town since my arrival on the 14th of January. It is also partially the fault of the 2 visiting boys we had this week. They brought nothing to the table and only served to be a distraction to those who regularly have a place here. They made the days feel long and I am still in recovery mode. I hope to never encounter them again. But if I do I hope it as an actual student. Then they have some skin in the game.

As far as work is concerned, things are progressing nicely this second half. I have to make sure to continue to plan but to also find some outlets to help keep my energy up.

I am looking forward to the weekend. I think this plays a definite part in my antsyness. I am looking forward to hanging out and taking it easy. The idea of visiting this new hostel is very exciting to me. Especially because I already know the purveyor.

Stir Crazy

I'm a little stir crazy. I reached that point sometime over the weekend. It is a good thing I have a plan for the weekend. I need to start making plans every couple weeks to get out of my tiny town. I like the quiet, hearing the various insects and the waves, but I too easily get in a rut. I am in a rut.... I did not do enough this last weekend. I was too sedentary. And yet I do note regret the last weekend. I read and I planned. I even stole some beach time.

Anyway......