Feeling Blue

I hate when I am proven right.

I felt like things weren't copacetic at work recently. I was wondering about my future. I had reason to feel nervous. Just this last week I was told that no job offer would come before the end of the year. I would either have to wait or start looking now. I started looking. I am not sure about the tenuousness of this gig.  I would like a second year but not knowing until school is done is too long to wait. What did they do that for if they didn't  want me looking.

I am feeling down. I am feeling defeated. I am feeling like teaching was not my calling. I am trying to figure out my life going forward. What do I want to become? What do I want to do? Where do I want to be?

I am also unbelievably pissed off right now. I put my entire life into doing a good job. I make myself be super reliable. I push and push myself to be better and to work harder. Fuck you for hanging me out to dry.